Luckily regrets isn't something I specialise in, I am only 24 after all.
However there is one that sticks in the memory and this involves an old singer who had polio from a very young age and died of cancer in 2000. This of course is Ian Dury, the Godfather of punk. He was playing his last gig just months before he died to which I desperately wanted to go. Unfortunately I was only 17 at the time and didn't know a fellow fan of the great man (despite asking my friends on several occasions and insisting what a genius he is). I certainly didn't fancy going alone, so alas I missed it. Then the news was announced on 27th March, 2000 that Ian Dury had died. I can't say I was that shocked as he was very ill, however, it's never nice to hear of a legend like that going, knowing no new material will be written.
Luckily before he died he recorded several songs, one of which (recorded with Madness) is an absolute cracker "Drip Fed Fred", where his growling, raspy tones are put to full effect! Ian Dury wrote witty, inventive songs, and with his Blockheads, the music matched the quality of the lyrics and is often, sadly, very underrated. He wrote several hits such as Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll and Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick and as well as some controversial songs such as Spasticus (Autisticus) even though this was simply highlighting his own disability.
Long live Mr. Love Pants!
Ian Dury
12th May 1942 - 27th March 2000
Friday, November 24, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
The KFC Cockroach
It all started with my 1 hour lunch break (14/11/06) when I was standing between Piccadilly Circus and Leicester Square and thought to myself….
"Shall I have the usual wrap from Tesco, which, however nice, might start getting a bit tedious every other day for the past few weeks, (even though I get a different one each day, except the fishy ones of course) or shall I try something different?".
It was a rainy day and Tesco would involve crossing the road and a 5 minute walk, whereas KFC was right next to me, quite an easy choice really. So I went in looking at the board above the always enthusiastic employees (…ahem…) and noticed (and remembered) that they ALSO do a wrap type thingy. My mind was made up, I ordered the new Buffalo wrap, as part of the meal deal…costing about £4.50. This is a bit pricier than the £2.70 I usually spend in Tesco (which includes a 330 ml bottle of original Lucozade for 60 pence) but I thought, "What the hell, I'll treat myself".
I received my paid-for goods and sat down to the smallest available table I could see. By this I don't mean a tiny table for midgets and dwarfs, sitting next to them with knees next to my ears trying to fit into the minute seats, I do of course mean a table for 2, so I wouldn't look so pathetic on my own, taking up a table for 6 or 8. This wasn't easy as the staff were being especially slack, so I had to move the trays off the smaller table onto the larger one (I hate having to do that…).
I started with my wrap, as I've never had a KFC wrap before (to be honest I've rarely had a KFC whilst sober before). This was surprisingly tasty, although the greenery left a lot to be desired (being a bit mushy and obviously not fresh) the chicken made up for it and I happily munched away. I then started on my stupidly large Pepsi and fries, before finishing my wrap.
It was as I was nearing the end of my meal that I noticed a creepy crawly making its merry way along the floor just in front of the counter. At first I wasn't sure what it was, I have never (to my knowledge) seen a cockroach, as I don't live in filth (university excluded) and generally haven't been in many kitchens other than my own. But I doubted it was a beetle of the stag variety, and couldn't think of any other possible explanation. I was therefore quite fascinated to be in the presence of a cockroach, as I have heard all the "they will be the only thing alive after a nuclear war" stories. I watched intently as it made its way back and forth, not really doing anything, probably trying to avoid the unknowing shoes of the people queuing up for their lovely fresh salad and cockroach ridden chicken.
I was feeling quite nauseous but I had basically finished so I ploughed on and ate the last of my chips and drunk my watered down beverage. I often have my camera on me and this day was no exception. I was very keen to take a picture of this creature, partly because…well, why not?? And partly due to identification, just to prove to myself that it was indeed what I had assumed (finally I guess it's quite a nice bit of evidence for future reference). Anyway, this would look a bit weird, getting my camera out to take pictures in KFC, I have experienced many people (tourists usually) whipping out their camera in desperation before anyone starts their meals in a posh, fancy restaurant, or if the food looks especially "pretty" and well presented. However, this was KFC, not the Ritz, so I didn't want to seem like a total fruit-loop. But I always knew that if someone looked at me funny I could stand up and go "LOOK!!! A COCKROACH!!" and take all attention away from my weird photography habits.
As I said, I was very close to the counter (I never like to go too far away carrying food with me as I think there'd be nothing more embarrassing and annoying as tripping over some child's bag or uneven step - I've seen it happen, and after the obligatory laughter, there's always some sympathy) and could quite easily hide the camera under the table to get a good enough picture on zoom.
By now I had finished my food, luckily, as it then started to make its way closer towards me, to be honest I was quite grateful as my zoom was letting me down and taking quite blurry photographs. I got a couple of good pictures and put my camera away, whilst the cockroach made its way to the next table, I thought, that's enough for me, and got up, taking my tray with me to dispose of the rubbish. On my way out I went up to the cleaner and said "I think you've got a bit of a cockroach problem". Of course this, quite basic English went right over her head so I said it much slower…"C o c k r o a c h". She looked a bit shocked and I pointed in the general direction of where I saw it last, and left.
Here are the best shots I managed to take, not great but at least you can make out what it is! Under the circumstances I am quite proud of them if I do say so myself…
"Shall I have the usual wrap from Tesco, which, however nice, might start getting a bit tedious every other day for the past few weeks, (even though I get a different one each day, except the fishy ones of course) or shall I try something different?".
It was a rainy day and Tesco would involve crossing the road and a 5 minute walk, whereas KFC was right next to me, quite an easy choice really. So I went in looking at the board above the always enthusiastic employees (…ahem…) and noticed (and remembered) that they ALSO do a wrap type thingy. My mind was made up, I ordered the new Buffalo wrap, as part of the meal deal…costing about £4.50. This is a bit pricier than the £2.70 I usually spend in Tesco (which includes a 330 ml bottle of original Lucozade for 60 pence) but I thought, "What the hell, I'll treat myself".
I received my paid-for goods and sat down to the smallest available table I could see. By this I don't mean a tiny table for midgets and dwarfs, sitting next to them with knees next to my ears trying to fit into the minute seats, I do of course mean a table for 2, so I wouldn't look so pathetic on my own, taking up a table for 6 or 8. This wasn't easy as the staff were being especially slack, so I had to move the trays off the smaller table onto the larger one (I hate having to do that…).
I started with my wrap, as I've never had a KFC wrap before (to be honest I've rarely had a KFC whilst sober before). This was surprisingly tasty, although the greenery left a lot to be desired (being a bit mushy and obviously not fresh) the chicken made up for it and I happily munched away. I then started on my stupidly large Pepsi and fries, before finishing my wrap.
It was as I was nearing the end of my meal that I noticed a creepy crawly making its merry way along the floor just in front of the counter. At first I wasn't sure what it was, I have never (to my knowledge) seen a cockroach, as I don't live in filth (university excluded) and generally haven't been in many kitchens other than my own. But I doubted it was a beetle of the stag variety, and couldn't think of any other possible explanation. I was therefore quite fascinated to be in the presence of a cockroach, as I have heard all the "they will be the only thing alive after a nuclear war" stories. I watched intently as it made its way back and forth, not really doing anything, probably trying to avoid the unknowing shoes of the people queuing up for their lovely fresh salad and cockroach ridden chicken.
I was feeling quite nauseous but I had basically finished so I ploughed on and ate the last of my chips and drunk my watered down beverage. I often have my camera on me and this day was no exception. I was very keen to take a picture of this creature, partly because…well, why not?? And partly due to identification, just to prove to myself that it was indeed what I had assumed (finally I guess it's quite a nice bit of evidence for future reference). Anyway, this would look a bit weird, getting my camera out to take pictures in KFC, I have experienced many people (tourists usually) whipping out their camera in desperation before anyone starts their meals in a posh, fancy restaurant, or if the food looks especially "pretty" and well presented. However, this was KFC, not the Ritz, so I didn't want to seem like a total fruit-loop. But I always knew that if someone looked at me funny I could stand up and go "LOOK!!! A COCKROACH!!" and take all attention away from my weird photography habits.
As I said, I was very close to the counter (I never like to go too far away carrying food with me as I think there'd be nothing more embarrassing and annoying as tripping over some child's bag or uneven step - I've seen it happen, and after the obligatory laughter, there's always some sympathy) and could quite easily hide the camera under the table to get a good enough picture on zoom.
By now I had finished my food, luckily, as it then started to make its way closer towards me, to be honest I was quite grateful as my zoom was letting me down and taking quite blurry photographs. I got a couple of good pictures and put my camera away, whilst the cockroach made its way to the next table, I thought, that's enough for me, and got up, taking my tray with me to dispose of the rubbish. On my way out I went up to the cleaner and said "I think you've got a bit of a cockroach problem". Of course this, quite basic English went right over her head so I said it much slower…"C o c k r o a c h". She looked a bit shocked and I pointed in the general direction of where I saw it last, and left.
Here are the best shots I managed to take, not great but at least you can make out what it is! Under the circumstances I am quite proud of them if I do say so myself…
It spent a lot of time out "in the open" but no one else seemed to notice.
Running far too close to my table for comfort.
Zoomed in - for full dental and physical indentification.
Maybe this is the finger lickin' secret recipe??
Sunday, November 5, 2006
Saddam to die - live on channel five?
Years after the infamous capture and subsequent comedy public mouth check (yes, they looked everywhere for those weapons of mass destruction) Saddam Hussein has finally been found guilty of crimes against humanity. He has been given the death sentence - this will automatically go to a nine-judge appeals panel for an unlimited time to review the case. If the verdicts and sentences are upheld, the executions will be carried out within 30 days.
He's due to be hung (but unfortunately not drawn and quartered) with his half brother for the 1982 killing of 148 Shiites in the city of Dujail. Saddam was visibly shaken at the news, shouting out "God is great".
Whatever mistakes have been made by the US and UK governments in going to war, this is at least one positive. Disposing of a creature such as Saddam can only be a good thing!
However, I do ask for one request. We should all be able to enjoy watching him at the gallows on the television; it's been a long time since we've had a good ol' public execution and I know it would be more popular than some of the reality shows, game shows, or mind numbing dross that channel 5 (for example) produce. This could be their chance to get the biggest viewing figures of their history…. of television history!! We know it's not below them, they pride themselves in hitting under the belt and crossing the line - over the years I can't think of any success they've had, even the football they show is of poor quality with the monotone John Barnes and unintelligible Kenny Dalglish. But this can be their chance…
Kirsty Young can commentate on the event; her dulcet Scottish tones can contrast wonderfully with the hatred of the audience.
The aforementioned John "monotone" Barnes can do the "pitch side" interviews:
Saddam's friends and family (the ones who aren't dead already) can talk about how he used to watch 15 to 1 during the afternoon (taping the episodes he missed whilst away on business - such as in Dujail), looove having marshmallows in his hot chocolate and playing Scalextric with his nephews, but hate losing!
Then his foes (the ones who aren't dead already) can taunt him whilst he's dropped to his death - doing the classic waving-your-head-about-whilst-he's-hanging-just-to-show-what-you-can-do-that-he-can't joke (a bit like doing the can-can in front of Heather Mills).
And finally Vanessa Feltz can do the after show party by discussing his body in detail - pointing out any comedy lumps and explaining the joys of rigor mortis for your sex life!
He's due to be hung (but unfortunately not drawn and quartered) with his half brother for the 1982 killing of 148 Shiites in the city of Dujail. Saddam was visibly shaken at the news, shouting out "God is great".
Whatever mistakes have been made by the US and UK governments in going to war, this is at least one positive. Disposing of a creature such as Saddam can only be a good thing!
However, I do ask for one request. We should all be able to enjoy watching him at the gallows on the television; it's been a long time since we've had a good ol' public execution and I know it would be more popular than some of the reality shows, game shows, or mind numbing dross that channel 5 (for example) produce. This could be their chance to get the biggest viewing figures of their history…. of television history!! We know it's not below them, they pride themselves in hitting under the belt and crossing the line - over the years I can't think of any success they've had, even the football they show is of poor quality with the monotone John Barnes and unintelligible Kenny Dalglish. But this can be their chance…
Kirsty Young can commentate on the event; her dulcet Scottish tones can contrast wonderfully with the hatred of the audience.
The aforementioned John "monotone" Barnes can do the "pitch side" interviews:
Saddam's friends and family (the ones who aren't dead already) can talk about how he used to watch 15 to 1 during the afternoon (taping the episodes he missed whilst away on business - such as in Dujail), looove having marshmallows in his hot chocolate and playing Scalextric with his nephews, but hate losing!
Then his foes (the ones who aren't dead already) can taunt him whilst he's dropped to his death - doing the classic waving-your-head-about-whilst-he's-hanging-just-to-show-what-you-can-do-that-he-can't joke (a bit like doing the can-can in front of Heather Mills).
And finally Vanessa Feltz can do the after show party by discussing his body in detail - pointing out any comedy lumps and explaining the joys of rigor mortis for your sex life!
Thursday, November 2, 2006
The Divine Comedy at the Roundhouse 02/11/06
First of all, what a fantastic venue, very surreal, wooden dome - and I found out at the gig that it used to be where the trains turned around before going off again - always good to go to a venue with a bit of history!!
And secondly, Duke Special were most probably the best support band I've ever seen (apart from James Brown supporting the Chili Peppers…but that's not really the same) and would recommend seeing them / buying their album(s) as soon as you can!
I was debating with myself whether to leave at about 5 and get there early for a good standing position, or just fuck it and leave at 6.30 to hover near the back, with a drink or three. Apart from the St James' Church gig a few months ago (the best gig I've ever been to), I always end up near the back, getting a good view (as the venue is never huge) but not a really good view, anyway, after much thought I ended up going at 5.45 so I needn't have put so much effort into thinking. I wasn't that near the front of the queue outside and yet, when I got in, I headed straight for the stage and was second row…only a handful of people there before me, I thought this was very odd but was pleased with my position (obviously hundreds of people having to stand behind a 6 foot 3 guy weren't happy with my position, but when all's said and done, they should have got there earlier!).
As always, Neil was on top form wearing a cranberry coloured shirt with suit. The highlights of the gig (as they often are) were the old classics, especially Your Daddy's Car and Don't Look Down, finishing off with one of my personal favourites Sunrise.
One of the great things about The Divine Comedy live is that it doesn't feel like an advert for the album. Mr Hannon manages to mix in enough of his new stuff (from Victory for the Comic Muse the new album - BUY IT NOW if you haven't already!) with old crowd pleasers, making it feel like a brilliantly thought out performance he's perfected over his impressive career.
Midway through he decided to ask the audience for requests…maybe this wasn't the best idea, as, although it was very funny watching, he couldn't really remember the words to a lot of the songs (presumably because he rarely plays - which might be why they were the ones shouted out!). He made several attempts at different songs - so full marks for not being up his own arse to mind looking stupid in front of his fans! Of course he's a humble man, but there's a slight cocky / cheekiness that comes out when he's buzzing in front of a delighted wide-eyed audience - and I love that side to him!
He did a couple of encores and a couple of covers, bowing with his band at the end. The guy is a genius, this is what pop SHOULD sound like!
Having grown up listening to The Divine Comedy over the last 10 years from the age of 14 to 24 (first seeing him being interviewed on the Ozone talking about the Casanova album), going to his gigs and hearing songs I've held in the highest regard - It makes me want to shove the music down everyone's ears who only know him as "that man who did National Express", and yet, in a totally selfish way, I'm glad he's not a superstar for the masses, because then there'd be no way I'd be able to get as close as I was last night!
And secondly, Duke Special were most probably the best support band I've ever seen (apart from James Brown supporting the Chili Peppers…but that's not really the same) and would recommend seeing them / buying their album(s) as soon as you can!
I was debating with myself whether to leave at about 5 and get there early for a good standing position, or just fuck it and leave at 6.30 to hover near the back, with a drink or three. Apart from the St James' Church gig a few months ago (the best gig I've ever been to), I always end up near the back, getting a good view (as the venue is never huge) but not a really good view, anyway, after much thought I ended up going at 5.45 so I needn't have put so much effort into thinking. I wasn't that near the front of the queue outside and yet, when I got in, I headed straight for the stage and was second row…only a handful of people there before me, I thought this was very odd but was pleased with my position (obviously hundreds of people having to stand behind a 6 foot 3 guy weren't happy with my position, but when all's said and done, they should have got there earlier!).
As always, Neil was on top form wearing a cranberry coloured shirt with suit. The highlights of the gig (as they often are) were the old classics, especially Your Daddy's Car and Don't Look Down, finishing off with one of my personal favourites Sunrise.
One of the great things about The Divine Comedy live is that it doesn't feel like an advert for the album. Mr Hannon manages to mix in enough of his new stuff (from Victory for the Comic Muse the new album - BUY IT NOW if you haven't already!) with old crowd pleasers, making it feel like a brilliantly thought out performance he's perfected over his impressive career.
Midway through he decided to ask the audience for requests…maybe this wasn't the best idea, as, although it was very funny watching, he couldn't really remember the words to a lot of the songs (presumably because he rarely plays - which might be why they were the ones shouted out!). He made several attempts at different songs - so full marks for not being up his own arse to mind looking stupid in front of his fans! Of course he's a humble man, but there's a slight cocky / cheekiness that comes out when he's buzzing in front of a delighted wide-eyed audience - and I love that side to him!
He did a couple of encores and a couple of covers, bowing with his band at the end. The guy is a genius, this is what pop SHOULD sound like!
Having grown up listening to The Divine Comedy over the last 10 years from the age of 14 to 24 (first seeing him being interviewed on the Ozone talking about the Casanova album), going to his gigs and hearing songs I've held in the highest regard - It makes me want to shove the music down everyone's ears who only know him as "that man who did National Express", and yet, in a totally selfish way, I'm glad he's not a superstar for the masses, because then there'd be no way I'd be able to get as close as I was last night!
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Dissertation
Time utilised badly, time wasted, time spent changing the songs on windows media player, time spent checking hotmail, twice in 5 minutes, time spent replying to emails, time spent writing new emails, time spent putting files in folders, time making coffee, time drinking coffee, time going to the toilet just before you actually need to, time changing the song again, time checking emails, replying again and, of course, time actually writing the dissertation.
Although this may seem like I'm wasting my time, it's actually the ritual that must be followed through each and every day in order to compose oneself before the days writing must begin. I need to make sure every possible distraction is exhausted before starting, just so I know there's nothing left to do, and therefore know that I HAVE to start typing or else fail.
My dissertation should be 15,000 words and is to be handed in at the end of the year (well, January 8th to be exact, but what with Christmas and New Year - I am looking to have it done by the 23rd December at the latest). It is on how banks can gain the trust of the consumer in order to persuade us to bank online. Due to the amount of bad publicity such as people being able to see other people's account details online etc, there are many people wavering on whether they want to commit to banking over the internet, especially with the fraudsters improving all the time with tactics such as "phishing".
My motivation is minimal at best…all I'm looking for is a pass, due to the idiotic way they mark it (there's no merit, simply fail, pass at 40% and distinction at 85%). Of course I will AIM for a distinction, but I have no delusions of grandeur and therefore know realistically that I will never achieve 85% (especially going from my previous essays on the course, all of which were around 55% - 70%).
I will keep ploughing through the endless articles, journals and other such nonsense needed for my Literary Review (which makes up about 7,000 words) and see how it goes…I will write an update in a few weeks, hopefully by then I will have written at least 10,000 words. We shall see…
Although this may seem like I'm wasting my time, it's actually the ritual that must be followed through each and every day in order to compose oneself before the days writing must begin. I need to make sure every possible distraction is exhausted before starting, just so I know there's nothing left to do, and therefore know that I HAVE to start typing or else fail.
My dissertation should be 15,000 words and is to be handed in at the end of the year (well, January 8th to be exact, but what with Christmas and New Year - I am looking to have it done by the 23rd December at the latest). It is on how banks can gain the trust of the consumer in order to persuade us to bank online. Due to the amount of bad publicity such as people being able to see other people's account details online etc, there are many people wavering on whether they want to commit to banking over the internet, especially with the fraudsters improving all the time with tactics such as "phishing".
My motivation is minimal at best…all I'm looking for is a pass, due to the idiotic way they mark it (there's no merit, simply fail, pass at 40% and distinction at 85%). Of course I will AIM for a distinction, but I have no delusions of grandeur and therefore know realistically that I will never achieve 85% (especially going from my previous essays on the course, all of which were around 55% - 70%).
I will keep ploughing through the endless articles, journals and other such nonsense needed for my Literary Review (which makes up about 7,000 words) and see how it goes…I will write an update in a few weeks, hopefully by then I will have written at least 10,000 words. We shall see…
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Jesus
Jesus has given a pretty poor show up till now, agreed he did some decent stuff back in the day, but times they are achanging and he needs to start making an appearance. I think he's looking down on us all, crapping himself, wondering how he will be able to control his nerves going on chat shows....making guest appearences in Will and Grace without coming across camp, his private life splashed over the tabloids...and (biggest of all for the UK) having to cope with sharing column inches with the Beckhams....and, lets face it, the second David gets a new hairstyle, or Posh wears some outlandish outfit, he would be discarded to the middle pages along side the other pointless news stories like North Korea and starving children in Africa.
.....and don't get me started on god....
.....and don't get me started on god....
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Thursday, October 5, 2006
Zero size models and their gradual demise
Some of them are naturally skinny but most of them are GM people, gradually disappearing into nothingness.
But what can we do to save the unnatural ones?
We can't keep a constant check on them, all day every day… or can we…? I do have a few suggestions about the way we can help the every day life of a model:
1st
Before they rush to the toilet after a meal to play with their uvula (that's the dangly bit at the back of your throat by the way…yes, I've been doing my research - just chatting to my local throat specialist, or "otolaryngologists" as they like to be called) and produce the entire contents of their previous meal, plus the bone dissolving stomach acid that makes their breath reek and their teeth rot, a ball gag will be provided. This will not only thwart any attempts they make to reach into the depths of their stinky gob, but will also prevent any sick from leaving, thus forcing them to swallow the entire contents, teaching them a lesson in the process. Unfortunately, many of these models innocently go to the toilets to snort their infamous cocaine, with a ball gag they would barely be able to breathe with a £5 note stuffed up their nostril. This would lead to many deaths and a lot of messiness.
2nd
Fine art specialists could be employed to produce "mirrors" to go in the homes and dressing rooms of all the 0 sized models. They would skilfully and perfectly recreate the reflected image you would see from the mirror, whilst adding one tiny detail. This would be a stick person, standing there facing out from the mirror. Whenever the model looked into the "mirror" all they would see would be a minute, barely nothing reflection - reducing their desire to loose weight. This seems like a perfect plan however, I am concerned about the artists. I have met a few over the years and I know they would not be happy to just repeat a reflection of a room; they would start introducing impressionist brush strokes, abstract concepts of the room which look totally false or even draw something completely off brief - maybe for those Jonathon Ross-alikes they would do a reflection of a "womb" instead of a "room" and just scare the models instead of cure them.
3rd
Food could be designed like space food, such as a whole steak and chips meal fitting into pill form, allowing models the chance to eat and get full without realising it. They would notice this sensation and automatically link it with whatever drug they think they have taken. This will get them full and addicted to that feeling before we remove the space food from their skeletal clutches. That is when we start to introduce small amounts of real food to their diet, gradually more and more as they realise their old fix can only be matched by actually eating.
As it has been harder to come up with ideas than I had originally thought, I have come to the conclusion that these models should be left to fend for themselves, those who make it will receive praise and wealth, and those who don't will receive taunts and jeers of "I told you so".
If you can think of any other way we can save these impressionable people, please add your own comments.
But what can we do to save the unnatural ones?
We can't keep a constant check on them, all day every day… or can we…? I do have a few suggestions about the way we can help the every day life of a model:
1st
Before they rush to the toilet after a meal to play with their uvula (that's the dangly bit at the back of your throat by the way…yes, I've been doing my research - just chatting to my local throat specialist, or "otolaryngologists" as they like to be called) and produce the entire contents of their previous meal, plus the bone dissolving stomach acid that makes their breath reek and their teeth rot, a ball gag will be provided. This will not only thwart any attempts they make to reach into the depths of their stinky gob, but will also prevent any sick from leaving, thus forcing them to swallow the entire contents, teaching them a lesson in the process. Unfortunately, many of these models innocently go to the toilets to snort their infamous cocaine, with a ball gag they would barely be able to breathe with a £5 note stuffed up their nostril. This would lead to many deaths and a lot of messiness.
2nd
Fine art specialists could be employed to produce "mirrors" to go in the homes and dressing rooms of all the 0 sized models. They would skilfully and perfectly recreate the reflected image you would see from the mirror, whilst adding one tiny detail. This would be a stick person, standing there facing out from the mirror. Whenever the model looked into the "mirror" all they would see would be a minute, barely nothing reflection - reducing their desire to loose weight. This seems like a perfect plan however, I am concerned about the artists. I have met a few over the years and I know they would not be happy to just repeat a reflection of a room; they would start introducing impressionist brush strokes, abstract concepts of the room which look totally false or even draw something completely off brief - maybe for those Jonathon Ross-alikes they would do a reflection of a "womb" instead of a "room" and just scare the models instead of cure them.
3rd
Food could be designed like space food, such as a whole steak and chips meal fitting into pill form, allowing models the chance to eat and get full without realising it. They would notice this sensation and automatically link it with whatever drug they think they have taken. This will get them full and addicted to that feeling before we remove the space food from their skeletal clutches. That is when we start to introduce small amounts of real food to their diet, gradually more and more as they realise their old fix can only be matched by actually eating.
As it has been harder to come up with ideas than I had originally thought, I have come to the conclusion that these models should be left to fend for themselves, those who make it will receive praise and wealth, and those who don't will receive taunts and jeers of "I told you so".
If you can think of any other way we can save these impressionable people, please add your own comments.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Richard Hammond, television extraordinaire
Just weeks after the tragic death of Steve Irwin, another fine risk taker has succumbed to the rigors of television entertainment. Richard Hammond, a truly great presenter amongst television legends was involved in a high speed crash whilst trying to beat the land speed record in a jet-powered car. He suffered a "significant" brain injury when he crashed but is said to be making a steady recovery.
I have a lot of respect for Top Gear and those who make it what it is, I have absolutely no interest in cars and yet am thoroughly entertained by the Top Gear team describing and displaying the new cars out each week in different and exciting ways. To enjoy watching a programme in which you have no interest in the subject simply proves how great the show is. I hope Mr Hammond makes a full recovery, good luck old chap!! You're a star!
I have a lot of respect for Top Gear and those who make it what it is, I have absolutely no interest in cars and yet am thoroughly entertained by the Top Gear team describing and displaying the new cars out each week in different and exciting ways. To enjoy watching a programme in which you have no interest in the subject simply proves how great the show is. I hope Mr Hammond makes a full recovery, good luck old chap!! You're a star!
Monday, September 4, 2006
Steve Irwin
We all thought it, we all feared it, we all assumed it....the day finally came...
For many he was a hero, for many he was an icon, for many he summed up everything we hate about the aussies...but there's no denying it, he made some cracking TV shows! I probably only saw a few of them (one being yesterday (Sunday) morning, ITV) and you just couldn't help being enthusiastic about his antics. When youre next in the swamps of Austrailia and you realise you are sharing it with a croc, what would you do...who ya gonna call?? That's the problem! Many more swamp goers will die and that's when the true tragedy of his death will be realised.
Rest In Peace Steve! Your "crikey" will live on in Home & Away...
For many he was a hero, for many he was an icon, for many he summed up everything we hate about the aussies...but there's no denying it, he made some cracking TV shows! I probably only saw a few of them (one being yesterday (Sunday) morning, ITV) and you just couldn't help being enthusiastic about his antics. When youre next in the swamps of Austrailia and you realise you are sharing it with a croc, what would you do...who ya gonna call?? That's the problem! Many more swamp goers will die and that's when the true tragedy of his death will be realised.
Rest In Peace Steve! Your "crikey" will live on in Home & Away...
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